im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Randomize
