last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Randomize
