Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
