im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
