its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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