Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize
