Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Randomize
