so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize