I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
