Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
