GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
