My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
