Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
