Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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