oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
