Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Randomize
