she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
i think im in europe. pls send help
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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