Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Randomize