When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
