it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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