How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I'm passing your future prison.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
