Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
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