Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize
