Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
