Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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