paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
