Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
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