Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
whose parrot is this?
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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