What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Randomize
