Already got asked if we're dating
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
