after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
