He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
