K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
