she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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