Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
