I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
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