I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
