Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
