i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
