Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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