So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
