Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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