how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
