I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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