OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Randomize
