I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
