I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
FUCK WHALES
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize