I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize