That's when you crack a 10am beer
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
bring money and cleavage
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Randomize
