her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
