If i come over, it means nothing
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
