dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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