Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
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