can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
