Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
