hotel room ftw
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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