Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
