i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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