My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
They took my balls.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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