Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
