its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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