You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Randomize
