if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I touched a dick in church today
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
