I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
