I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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