"it" just moved
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Randomize
