rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
